I know I mentioned that I would explain the loss of my mother in this post, but I’m in a happy mood and have so many other things on my mind, that that particular topic will have to wait a little while.
I went to Tulsa Xpressions event this past weekend. I am REALLY coming to love these conferences/events, so much so that I am trying to figure out a way to work more of them into my life (and budget.) I know that teaching is one way to accomplish this goal, but I am currently in the “soaking it all up” stage of my learning and growth. I find myself drawn more and more towards a life of leather. As sentient beings, most of us evolve through our experiences during our journey from cradle to grave. I have been noticing a drastic evolution of self over the past two years. I find myself weary of the very activities and people that used to bring some of my life’s greatest joys. I believe whole-heartedly in having fun and enjoying every moment to the fullest due to the transient nature of our mortal existence. However, I also believe that we should be mindful of others with whom we share our lives, and attempt not to inhibit their own pursuit of happiness. This has led me to a strong passion for tolerance as well as a quest to improve myself from within so as to affect others in the most positive way possible. It wasn’t long after defining my current life mission that I noticed Leather events and people continually appearing in my path. Maybe I was lucky in the fact that the majority of those I’ve met have embodied the very traits of which I’m looking to develop in myself. Many of their views on life align with my own, and at first, I found it an odd coincidence, until it repeatedly occurred.
I have noticed a pretty large difference between the outlooks of people involved in het/pan BDSM/kink and those that live Leather. When around the first group, I find myself having to work harder for the tolerance for which I aim; yet when I am around the second, I find myself having such a great amount of respect for a large portion of them. I literally want to fade into the surroundings and just soak up the information within the ideas and viewpoints discussed (not to mention being overcome with a strong desire to rub myself all over some of them and see if osmosis of knowledge can actually occur.)
I also find my own joys as far as “play” goes more closely aligning with what I have seen from Leather vs Kink. I have always been drawn to the Darkside, but never felt like what I enjoyed “fit” the stereotyped (and overplayed) version of “scening” (I hate that term) seen in most dungeons. I like a different level of intensity…I enjoy an energy and power exchange that wakes both my body and soul…one that has me laughing, crying, screaming, or even just quietly sobbing…but most of all, one that connects me on a very intimate (no, not always sexually intimate) level with another person. I didn’t see this type of play on a regular basis before, and I definitely missed the “connection” that was a huge part of my imagination and fantasies. Until last year at Tribal Fire, 2010.
More to come…
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